I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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