I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
