The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
