How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
