Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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