Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
