When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize