Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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