So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
