Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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