"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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