He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
