Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My vagina is very pro this idea
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
