so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the day after is always just damage control
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
