Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
