Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
