I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
