I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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