Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
