Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I want is dick and wine.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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