fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
