you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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