Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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