You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
