Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
