Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
