i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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