He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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