If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
