I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
