She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
