Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i came on her dog
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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