My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
