After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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