u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
