Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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