At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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