if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
