so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
