If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
