Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
