covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just pynch a tree in the face
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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