During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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