Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
