Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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