I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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