and you said cock pushups were impossible
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
