I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
