this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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