im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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