The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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