apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize