I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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