It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
