Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
