He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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