don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
