there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
