Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
