I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
