dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
