so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
