I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
