What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
