I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
