They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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