Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
