i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
