that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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