I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize