It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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