I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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