we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You ruined the universe
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
