woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
