yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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