Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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