i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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