Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize