How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
