One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
