Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We just shotgunned beers for America
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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