Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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